i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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