If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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