I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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