Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
