Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
