we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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