I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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