Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
