I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
