I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
