I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
