I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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