proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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