I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
