Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
