i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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