marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
