it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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