Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
