Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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