ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he was CRYING into my vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
