Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dear god my vagina.
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