Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
