You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
