i think my tv is drunk
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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