no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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