FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
