just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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