You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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