Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize