Pants 0. Shit 1.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
high people should be assigned attendants
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want to fling myself into the sun
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
