All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
