Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
