dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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