ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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