I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize