where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
