We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
