You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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