somebody snuck up and got me drunk
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
