I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
