Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
