We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
