my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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