I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
