I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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