On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
