literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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