Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
