Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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