It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize