windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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