Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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