Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
