i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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