Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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