nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
