My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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